Tis the engagement season! What a trip being engaged and planning a wedding is. Erik proposed to me Christmas morning with my grandmother’s engagement ring. I could not have been more surprised, and more happy. We slow danced in our pajamas to the same song we danced to on our wedding day. We called our family and friends, and then popped lots of champagne with my family over a massive Christmas brunch. It was a day for the books.
As we dreamily boarded the LIRR back home, Erik suggested that he DJ our wedding. (But how?)
And that’s when the bless-ed insanity of planning a wedding began!
Planning a wedding and getting married is so special, fun, and stressful. For my newly engaged lovies, enjoy every minute! Here are some of the best tips I got along the way, with a few of my own. This is what I know about getting married:
Limit who you ask for advice. Planning a wedding is overwhelming, and so you will naturally want to ask as many people as possible about their thoughts on your colors, theme, and personalized ideas. Until your friends and family crush your dreams by telling you how tacky you are. The best advice I got was to figure out who your “yes” friends are, who will tell you with gumption that all your ideas are brilliant. Those are the only people who need to know all about your hashtag, DIY favors, and father daughter dance montage.
Also, your partner may not be as excited to plan a wedding as you are. That does not mean that they are not excited to marry you, I promise. Erik was always overwhelmed by wedding planning. Those conversations were more tense than productive. I read somewhere to set one day aside a week to go through plans with your partner, so you knock a few things off your list – but not overwhelm them every day. This was a good boundary for us.
Let your family and friends celebrate you. Bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and even rehearsal dinners are on the decline in my circles, and I think it is backlash from how out of control the wedding industry has become over the past few decades. People don’t want to make a bigger deal than their nuptials needs to be, and they don’t want to burden family and friends with planning another celebration. The thing is, there is a good chance your loved ones want to celebrate this milestone in your life. While my wedding day was an overwhelming blur, I remember every moment of the celebrations along the way. Because I didn’t plan them! I was able to enjoy every minute, and I treasure them. I had far more fun at my shower, New Orleans bachelorette weekend extravaganza and rehearsal brunch, all planned by my favorite women.
Your wedding can be all about you. But it probably won’t be. I surrendered the white flag to most wedding decisions. Not all (girl got her southern bbq), but I took a lot of direction from my parents and fiance, and concentrated on staying on budget. There were so many compromises all around. I decided early on that my parents’ and partner’s input was valuable, and it relieved so much stress and expectation. You will not imagine how invested your parents will be until that ring is on your finger, ladies. The caliber of your wedding reflects them in a way that you just don’t expect. So, take or leave this one. I will say that after the fastest and most expensive day of my life was said and done, I am glad it was a group effort.
Your wedding day will not go as planned. And that is ok. I repeat, your wedding day will not go as planned! There are too many moving parts, and interpretations of instructions, and things you just can’t control. If you want a stress-free wedding, pay someone to plan it and your ignorance will be bliss. (But what is the fun in that?)
The night before my wedding, a dear friend texted me, “So many things will go wrong, but only you and your mom will notice.” And that is the god honest truth. If you spend months or even years planning this one day, it is so hard to not be let down by the meangingful and meticulous moments that went awry. There are two things you need to do. First, talk to three women who were brides in the most perfect weddings you attended, and ask them what did not go as planned. Grab some popcorn! You will not believe what went down behind the scenes.
Second, write down all the amazing things that went just right on your wedding day. Things that went better than you could ever have planned yourself. Read it over and over again until your cheeks hurt from smiling. Here are the most perfect things that happened on my wedding day:
- I married Erik Bryan.
- Everyone I loved was there. And we danced and danced and danced.
- The food was GOOD. I mean, it was really good. And the drinks were flowing. What more could you want at a party?
- I looked and felt more beautiful than I ever have in my life. The dress, my hair, my makeup, my teeny waist that will never be that teeny again. And my bouquet! I stepped out of the limo and my brothers gasped. My groom burst into tears at the sight of me. I felt more lovely than I could have dreamed.
- The venue and decor were stunning. I didn’t know how the gold flatware, brick walls, and massive jewel-toned floral would come together. Somehow it was better than I imagined. I could kiss my florist on the lips!
A big congratulations to all you newly engaged couples out there. Getting married is fun, but being married takes the cake. Wishing you a fun journey along the way!